Family History by Vita Sackville-West

Author:Vita Sackville-West
Language: eng, eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pan Macmillan UK
Published: 2010-12-06T16:00:00+00:00

PART THREE

Portrait of

Lesley Anquetil

They had quarrelled. It was a landmark in their relationship. Having once lost control of herself; Evelyn could not regain it. All the feelings which she had repressed rose to the surface. Everything which had charmed her about Miles began now to arouse her opposition. She nagged at him about his work, his politics, his manners, his friends, even his clothes.

“Miles, I do wish you wouldn’t wear thatt black hat. It makes you look like a conspirator, or an organ-grinder.”

“But I don’t in the least mind looking like a conspirator or an organ-grinder.”

He took it good-humouredly, and thatt irritated her too. If she could goad him into a rage, she felt, she would be satisfied. She interpreted his good-humour as a sign of indifference; she was always on the look-out, now, for signs of indifference.

“He can’t love me for ever,” so she argued miserably to herself. “The day will come when he turns naturally to a younger woman,—it must come,—he must begin to fall out of love with me. The sooner I make up my mind to it the better. Haven’t I always foreseen it? Oh, if only I could go back to those first few weeks, when I refused to think of it,—when loving him and being loved by him was enough! And if I go on as I do at present, I shall only drive him away from me before I need. What a fool I am! I must stop myself, I must, I must.”

So she walked up and down her room, pressing her hands together, unhappy and tortured, after every fresh lapse.

To make matters worse, the Jarrolds had found out her liaison with Miles. They did not say so openly, but they made it clear to her. Hester’s innuendoes were unmistakable. Evelyn minded terribly. She despised herself for minding, but her training and traditions were too strong for her. She determined not to tell Miles, and of course told him next time she saw him.

He laughed.

“Dear old frumps! are they shocked? What does it matter?”

“It may not matter to you, Miles,—you’re a man, and you’re different anyway. But they’re my only family.”

“I thought they bored you?”

“They do bore me,—but I don’t want them to think ill of me.”

Miles was incapable of understanding this point of view. He had nothing of the bourgeois in the whole of his composition.

“The remedy lies in your own hands,” he said, as patiently as he could; “I’ve suggested over and over again that you should marry me.”

“I know you have, and the very way in which you put it shows me what you really feel about it. ‘I’ve suggested over and over again!’ You know quite well that you suggest it only in order to please me. You don’t really want it. Naturally, I don’t blame you for not wanting to tie yourself to a woman fifteen years older than yourself. Indeed, it’s very nice and chivalrous of you to suggest it at all. But you needn’t be afraid, Miles: I shan’t take you at your word.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.